Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Grrrrrrr


Even though I love the weather this time of year, I hate what it does to me.
Starting about this time of year my seasonal depression starts kicking in.I start to get extra tired,wanting to sleep more.I want to just ignore the world. I feel like I have a clock ticking inside of me ready to go off.I start to feel very irritable and crabby.I feel like I've got a short fuse that I try to keep under control.(Good idea considering I am placing needles in arms when at work.)
I hate myself for the way I act and feel.I know I am crabby,I know I am short and I hate it.
I also know I need to start on my antidepressants now too,before I get into too deep a funk where it takes me time to get on top of things again.
And as the holidays get closer it gets worse.I go through the motions of it all.On tne outside I am Mr.Jolly while in the inside I am miserable.After all what is there to be merry about?I always feel we have lost the true meaning of Christmas.We all stress over what to buy for mom and dad,the kids, or who ever.Many of us are strapped money wise but we still go and buy.Put it on a charge card,then come February the bills come only to cause more stress.Grrrrrrrrr that is why I spend very little and expect very little in return.
So yes Mr.Brian has done his venting,let you all see his UGLY side and now you know. I am not always prince charming.
I will get on some meds so these angry frustrating feelings go away and I will try to be more cheerful on my next post.
Thanks for letting me vent.And do not worry I will be OK I've been here before and I will rise above it once again.
Just say a little prayer that I cheer up soon.
Love ya all,
HUGS.
Mr.Brian

13 comments:

Janet said...

I've heard that SAD can be very difficult, and from what you've described, it sure is! By all means, take the meds you need so you can cope. I hope you're doing better soon, Mr. B. Take care of yourself.

HUGS HUGS HUGS from Alberta,

Janet

Sue said...

No, not thinking of Christmas already! I'd tell you that you need a walk around the neighborhood, but I know that what you feel is very real. Hang in there. We love ya!

Verna said...

Mr Brian--You are not alone. For years I did not know why I would have a major upset every fall and spring. Didn't understand seasonal depression. Hang in there. Maybe distract yourself with some kind of "helping others project". I just heard of a family that adopted a less fortunate family during the holidays. Kind of put the focus where it should be. Hang in there. Have you checked in to a full spectrum light??

redmaryjanes said...

I just said a little prayer for you. I think that everyone is affected when the cooler seasons start in and it gets darker earlier and things turn cold.
Do what you need to do to keep yourself feeling the way that you want to feel.
I really look forward to your comments. You make me smile almost every day.

Beckyb said...

Oh man do I ever hear you - hang in Mr. Brian - know you are NOT ALONE - hey, want to share your drugs!?!?!? Somedays I think I need them too!!!

The Shocks said...

Hang in there. I'm feeling it now but more because of my wait for Ethan.

Steffie B. said...

Please get your meds....I know several people on them. You need them and that is fine. I take something from FreeLife. It's not a Doc prescription....but it helps with me staying calm. i call them my "happy pills"1 ;)

Hope you feel better soon....
Smooches....

GWEN OATSVALL said...

i am sending you some of my bday cake to cheer you up ... can you taste it? yummy ... i say for once we don't spend what we don't have on the holidays and see how it feels ... it was fun seeing everyone's face last year when we said we weren't buying presents because we were saving for our adoption ... the looks were enough of a present for me ... you should try it ... hee hee ...

(no mean emails ...we did buy our own kiddos things .. just no aunts, uncles, in laws and such) it was so freeing !!!!

Steffie B. said...

Thinking of you and hoping you have a good weekend! ;)

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

I'm right there with you. I have experienced the "seasonal" depression ever since we moved north! Can't stand the cold and winter. I hate what Christmas has become with all the merchandising and marketing. Where is the message?! I'm not one to buy a lot of gifts as I don't believe that is the message I want to send. For me it's a time for family and loved ones to get together and enjoy being together.

Hang in there cutie...

K1 said...

I know a lot of people affected by SAD out here in Seattle. It really DOESN'T rain as much as people say it does, but it IS gray for several months in a row. So, even though it's not rainy, it's dreary.

I applaude you for recognizing and acknowledging that you have a problem and for getting the medical attention you nead to deal with it. I know several people that are too stuborn or proud to admit that they have issues, and they make not only themselves miserable, but everyone else too!

Kudos to Mr. Brian.

nikki said...

Hey Mr. Brian! I'll say some prayers for ya...being grumpy is no fun (I should know...)

BIG HUGS TO YOU!

Steffie B. said...

Hope you are feeling better. I've been thinking of you! ;)